Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
