I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
