Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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