So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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