Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
