I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
