this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
