please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
