shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
