I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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