Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
