I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
