bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
