He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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