I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
