My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
