pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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