Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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