you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
