Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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