dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
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Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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