her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
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We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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