Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my being single is dangerous.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
