If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
