My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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