U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I look better un-naked...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
