I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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