margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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