Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
