in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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