I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
