my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
