guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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