When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
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Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"