my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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