Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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