I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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