Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
