I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
