I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
