I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
