The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
