our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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