I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
