I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We don't watch enough power rangers
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
