Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
