I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
