so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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