Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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