fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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