I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
