He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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