my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
