she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
