now i know why i became what i already was.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
