okay pat passed out under dana's car
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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