I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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