JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
