you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
