i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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