Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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