I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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