just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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