she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
