I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
