You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
