I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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