Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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