just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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